Thick or dyslexic?

Andrew B

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I’d say I’ve always been a competent reader but there’s a whole bunch of funny stuff that I’ve embarrassed myself with over the years such as very recent on how to pronounce the Marquis of the Hardy reels?
Here’s where English language must be a nightmare as I’m pronouncing Marquis like Del Boy with his pseudo French lol, only to be told it’s probably Marquis of Bath type pronunciation?
Only days later we get some lovely French cheese with same spelling of Marquis aargh but now I’ve got to go back to Del Boy mode........confusing no🤨
In Scotland someone had to point me out that you don’t pronounce the P in Ptarmigan lol.

Every time I read the word facsimile it comes out as “fassy smile” and I’ll do it again.
Weils disease I’ve no idea how to pronounce as I failed to ask the person who pronounced it Veils as to why?

Maybe a touch of dyslexia?
 
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kramdrazzi

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Written in the 1920s. It’s ridiculously long-winded, but quite apt...

Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.

I will keep you very busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
Tear in eye, your dress you'll tear;
Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.

Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
Just compare heart, hear and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word.

Sword and sward, retain and Britain
(Mind the latter how it's written).
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say-said, pay-paid, laid but plaid.

Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
But be careful how you speak,
Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak ,

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via
Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
Woven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.

Say, expecting fraud and trickery:
Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles,
Missiles, similes, reviles.

Wholly, holly, signal, signing,
Same, examining, but mining,
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far.

From "desire": desirable-admirable from "admire",
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,
Topsham, brougham, renown, but known,
Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone,

One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.
Gertrude, German, wind and wind,
Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind,

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.
This phonetic labyrinth
Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.

Have you ever yet endeavoured
To pronounce revered and severed,
Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,
Peter, petrol and patrol?

Billet does not end like ballet;
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.

Banquet is not nearly parquet,
Which exactly rhymes with khaki.
Discount, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward,

Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet?
Right! Your pronunciation's OK.
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Is your r correct in higher?
Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia.
Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot,
Buoyant, minute, but minute.

Say abscission with precision,
Now: position and transition;
Would it tally with my rhyme
If I mentioned paradigm?

Twopence, threepence, tease are easy,
But cease, crease, grease and greasy?
Cornice, nice, valise, revise,
Rabies, but lullabies.

Of such puzzling words as nauseous,
Rhyming well with cautious, tortious,
You'll envelop lists, I hope,
In a linen envelope.

Would you like some more? You'll have it!
Affidavit, David, davit.
To abjure, to perjure. Sheik
Does not sound like Czech but ache.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed but vowed.

Mark the difference, moreover,
Between mover, plover, Dover.
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice,

Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, penal, and canal,
Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal,

Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit
Rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it",
But it is not hard to tell
Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Timber, climber, bullion, lion,
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor,

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
Has the a of drachm and hammer.
Pussy, hussy and possess,
Desert, but desert, address.

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants
Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants.
Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb,
Cow, but Cowper, some and home.

"Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker",
Quoth he, "than liqueur or liquor",
Making, it is sad but true,
In bravado, much ado.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant.

Arsenic, specific, scenic,
Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.
Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close,
Paradise, rise, rose, and dose.

Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,
Make the latter rhyme with eagle.
Mind! Meandering but mean,
Valentine and magazine.

And I bet you, dear, a penny,
You say mani-(fold) like many,
Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier,
Tier (one who ties), but tier.

Arch, archangel; pray, does erring
Rhyme with herring or with stirring?
Prison, bison, treasure trove,
Treason, hover, cover, cove,

Perseverance, severance. Ribald
Rhymes (but piebald doesn't) with nibbled.
Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,
Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.

Don't be down, my own, but rough it,
And distinguish buffet, buffet;
Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,
Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn.

Say in sounds correct and sterling
Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.
Evil, devil, mezzotint,
Mind the z! (A gentle hint.)

Now you need not pay attention
To such sounds as I don't mention,
Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,
Rhyming with the pronoun yours;

Nor are proper names included,
Though I often heard, as you did,
Funny rhymes to unicorn,
Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.

No, my maiden, coy and comely,
I don't want to speak of Cholmondeley.
No. Yet Froude compared with proud
Is no better than McLeod.

But mind trivial and vial,
Tripod, menial, denial,
Troll and trolley, realm and ream,
Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme.

Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely
May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,
But you're not supposed to say
Piquet rhymes with sobriquet.

Had this invalid invalid
Worthless documents? How pallid,
How uncouth he, couchant, looked,
When for Portsmouth I had booked!

Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,
Paramour, enamoured, flighty,
Episodes, antipodes,
Acquiesce, and obsequies.

Please don't monkey with the geyser,
Don't peel 'taters with my razor,
Rather say in accents pure:
Nature, stature and mature.

Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,
Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,
Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,
Wan, sedan and artisan.

The th will surely trouble you
More than r, ch or w.
Say then these phonetic gems:
Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.

Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,
There are more but I forget 'em-
Wait! I've got it: Anthony,
Lighten your anxiety.

The archaic word albeit
Does not rhyme with eight-you see it;
With and forthwith, one has voice,
One has not, you make your choice.

Shoes, goes, does *. Now first say: finger;
Then say: singer, ginger, linger.
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, age,

Hero, heron, query, very,
Parry, tarry fury, bury,
Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,
Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.

Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,
Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners
Holm you know, but noes, canoes,
Puisne, truism, use, to use?

Though the difference seems little,
We say actual, but victual,
Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,
Put, nut, granite, and unite.

Reefer does not rhyme with deafer,
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
Hint, pint, senate, but sedate.

Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific;
Tour, but our, dour, succour, four,
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit,
Next omit, which differs from it
Bona fide, alibi
Gyrate, dowry and awry.

Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion,
Rally with ally; yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!

Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.
Never guess-it is not safe,
We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.

Starry, granary, canary,
Crevice, but device, and eyrie,
Face, but preface, then grimace,
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;
Ear, but earn; and ere and tear
Do not rhyme with here but heir.

Mind the o of off and often
Which may be pronounced as orphan,
With the sound of saw and sauce;
Also soft, lost, cloth and cross.

Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?
Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.
Respite, spite, consent, resent.
Liable, but Parliament.

Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk,
Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.

A of valour, vapid vapour,
S of news (compare newspaper),
G of gibbet, gibbon, gist,
I of antichrist and grist,

Differ like diverse and divers,
Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.
Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll,
Polish, Polish, poll and poll.

Pronunciation-think of Psyche!-
Is a paling, stout and spiky.
Won't it make you lose your wits
Writing groats and saying "grits"?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel
Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,
Islington, and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Don't you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough??

Hiccough has the sound of sup...
My advice is: GIVE IT UP!
 

nickolas

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I’d say I’ve always been a competent reader but there’s a whole bunch of funny stuff that I’ve embarrassed myself with over the years such as very recent on how to pronounce the Marquis of the Hardy reels?
Here’s where English language must be a nightmare as I’m pronouncing Marquis like Del Boy with his pseudo French lol, only to be told it’s probably Marquis of Bath type pronunciation?
Only days later we get some lovely French cheese with same spelling of Marquis aargh but now I’ve got to go back to Del Boy mode........confusing no🤨
In Scotland someone had to point me out that you don’t pronounce the P in Ptarmigan lol.

Every time I read the word facsimile it comes out as “fassy smile” and I’ll do it again.
Weils disease I’ve no idea how to pronounce as I failed to ask the person who pronounced it Veils as to why?

Maybe a touch of dyslexia?
Thank god we are all wired differently, life would be boring.
 

keirstream

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It would be difficult to be a female English blow in settling in our fair land talking to our local estate agents.
Firstly the communication generally;
Hello, I'd like to speak to the agent please, I think his name is Menzies?
Naebdy o that name here, we dae hae a Mr Mingiss though?
Actually, then, I was really recommended Mr Calquhoun, could I speak to him please?
Sorry, hen, naebdy o that name here either.
Mr Cahoon is free though?
The Doric version;
Hello. I would like to look at properties in Finzean please?
Nae sic a toon Quinie, fit aboot Fingin?
The Fifer version;
Hello. I would like to look at properties in Anstruther please?
Nae such a place, ya hooer ye, whit aboot Ainster?
No, thanks. I don't think I'll bother.
:D:D
 

AlanT

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Weils disease
Andrew it's a European w hence v
Morphfly
A polish relative of mine was called Wictor Kowal (pronounced Victor Koval, totally different in pronunciation), lost count the number of times people would call him Wiktor, he used to hate getting his name called in the doctors surgery!
 

westie4566

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A polish relative of mine was called Wictor Kowal (pronounced Victor Koval, totally different in pronunciation), lost count the number of times people would call him Wiktor, he used to hate getting his name called in the doctors surgery!
My pals hubby in Berlin is Wieslaw Pulawski.... I've always been able to pronounce it...many others not so much so, lol.
 

westie4566

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It would be difficult to be a female English blow in settling in our fair land talking to our local estate agents.
Firstly the communication generally;
Hello, I'd like to speak to the agent please, I think his name is Menzies?
Naebdy o that name here, we dae hae a Mr Mingiss though?
Actually, then, I was really recommended Mr Calquhoun, could I speak to him please?
Sorry, hen, naebdy o that name here either.
Mr Cahoon is free though?
The Doric version;
Hello. I would like to look at properties in Finzean please?
Nae sic a toon Quinie, fit aboot Fingin?
The Fifer version;
Hello. I would like to look at properties in Anstruther please?
Nae such a place, ya hooer ye, whit aboot Ainster?
No, thanks. I don't think I'll bother.
:D:D
Who's going to be first to post the banking sketch from Scotland the What, Tom??
 

westie4566

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I’d say I’ve always been a competent reader but there’s a whole bunch of funny stuff that I’ve embarrassed myself with over the years such as very recent on how to pronounce the Marquis of the Hardy reels?
Here’s where English language must be a nightmare as I’m pronouncing Marquis like Del Boy with his pseudo French lol, only to be told it’s probably Marquis of Bath type pronunciation?
Only days later we get some lovely French cheese with same spelling of Marquis aargh but now I’ve got to go back to Del Boy mode........confusing no🤨
In Scotland someone had to point me out that you don’t pronounce the P in Ptarmigan lol.

Every time I read the word facsimile it comes out as “fassy smile” and I’ll do it again.
Weils disease I’ve no idea how to pronounce as I failed to ask the person who pronounced it Veils as to why?

Maybe a touch of dyslexia?
Reading is great. I've been a voracious reader since a child.

Different times from you probs, however my late parents instilled in me that if found a word I didn't understand, then I looked it up in the Oxford English dictionary, understood it and learned the pronunciation.

You wouldn't think it from the guff I write on here...but I missed 100% in Higher English by 1/4%. 😅

My half sister and brother were quiet dyslexic but got a lot of coaching to help and you'd really never notice. less you knew.

Don't worry. In my mid 50's I still have 'demon' words that I have to phonetically spell in my head prior to committing to print.
 

Andrew B

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Reading is great. I've been a voracious reader since a child.

Different times from you probs, however my late parents instilled in me that if found a word I didn't understand, then I looked it up in the Oxford English dictionary, understood it and learned the pronunciation.

You wouldn't think it from the guff I write on here...but I missed 100% in Higher English by 1/4%. 😅

My half sister and brother were quiet dyslexic but got a lot of coaching to help and you'd really never notice. less you knew.

Don't worry. In my mid 50's I still have 'demon' words that I have to phonetically spell in my head prior to committing to print.
What a cool story.
Same here about reading. My mother used to have my sister and I both reading to a good standard before we got to school. One of my earliest memories was being dropped off at primary school and failing to understand why all the other children were crying lol. I distinctly remember being told I was already way ahead of their Ben and Lad ( boy and his sheepdog) reading books?
I’d never of thought of being dyslexic until recently working out my brain was often making things up?
 

budge

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Think I've a bit of both I struggle with some simple spellings, usually putting double letters where there should be one or one where there should be two. Spell check is a godsend for me.
Places are always a funny one, if you ask a local for directions and they look at you blankly cos you didn't realise there was a silent Z in the name

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keirstream

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I remember in my 20s when I was looking for a place to live in the North East-ish of England when I was repping for Redland Gravel.
No such thing as satnav then and if you didn't have a road map you were kind of screwed.:eek:
The wife and I stopped a wee wumman on the outskits of Newcastle and asked if she could direct us to PROOD--HOE.
Nae idea, bonny lass, came the reply, but if you tak that road there, it'll tak you to PRUDA and HEXAM, it's mibee up there somewhere?
Directions were spot on.:D
 

Rrrr

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Im dyslexic and do come up with some odd spellings first time round. I usualy spot and correct them.
Punctuation is a nightmare when i try and type or write things. Apart from commas and full stops.

Mine didnt get diagnosed untill i was about 14 so spent most of school being told i wasnt trying hard enough as i would get great test results but my work always looked a mess and rushed.
If the teachers put the effort in and were engauging then i did really well. The lazy bastards that made me copy from a book or from a board were wasting my time and theirs as you cant absorb info when your full focus is on getting it down on paper.




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Slaneybs

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Lots of us have had the Dyslexic experience.
I was very lucky that I was pick up young as there was a long family history ( my dad had seen old family letters with obvious dyslexia from back in the late 1800s) and I had extra classes from a family friend who had an interest in the area.
I recall her asking me to read the word "oil" and I said that is easy it is 710! The problem is a lot of smart kids learn their reading books off by heart and don't get identified until they are well into primary school - early intervention is really important. At least today most teachers recognise dyslexia for what it is rather than saying that the child is lazy careless or stupid or all three.
I have just used spell check to pick up their spelt as "thier" in the text above. "Tath" rather than that was a really common one for me especially writing under pressure in school exams. You could generally see the errors reading back afterwards if you had time but for some people they just can't see the error.
The change in attitude is great and I know several "bad" dyslexics in their late 20s with 1st class degrees and great jobs.
 
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salarchaser

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A serious business that affects lots of people to varying degrees.
My daughter's ex boyfriend was dyslexic. A bright lad who just saw things differently.
Ive always thought in pictures rather than words.

No disrespect intended to any group included by the following.

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?
He used to lie awake at night wondering if there was a dog.
 

Walleye

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I remember in my 20s when I was looking for a place to live in the North East-ish of England when I was repping for Redland Gravel.
No such thing as satnav then and if you didn't have a road map you were kind of screwed.:eek:
The wife and I stopped a wee wumman on the outskits of Newcastle and asked if she could direct us to PROOD--HOE.
Nae idea, bonny lass, came the reply, but if you tak that road there, it'll tak you to PRUDA and HEXAM, it's mibee up there somewhere?
Directions were spot on.:D
At least you weren't asking for directions to No Place.
 

Andrew B

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Im dyslexic and do come up with some odd spellings first time round. I usualy spot and correct them.
Punctuation is a nightmare when i try and type or write things. Apart from commas and full stops.

Mine didnt get diagnosed untill i was about 14 so spent most of school being told i wasnt trying hard enough as i would get great test results but my work always looked a mess and rushed.
If the teachers put the effort in and were engauging then i did really well. The lazy bastards that made me copy from a book or from a board were wasting my time and theirs as you cant absorb info when your full focus is on getting it down on paper.




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Probably obvious by now that my punctuation is terrible. Dont ask me how they diagnose dyslexia? But I’m pretty sure I’ve got something going on 😂
 
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