Have a laugh - Put your jokes here

Salad Dodger

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33217E49-EAEC-4B0F-A42E-BF7FA7BD587A.jpeg
 

sewinfly

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Vegans

One appeared. In a pub in Yorkshire once, sandals, corduroy jacket beard school master loud voice, the lot. Announcing to the world in general he bellows, “What’s for lunch, landlord!?”
“Wi ‘av pie n’ t’ peas, or ‘am sandwiches.” The landlord replies.
“And do you have a vegetarian option?”
Fixing him with his steady eye the landlord replies,
“Aye wi does.”
The radical vegan fails to take the warning and ploughs on,
“Well what is your vegetarian option?”
In the now silent pub, all the locals are gazing into their pints nodding in anticipationary approval. The landlord replies,
“Peas.”
 

para1

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Quite a few years ago we found out the easiest way to get into neoprene waders was to put your feet into carrier bags. People asked when they seen this if our waders were leaking. But after explaining they could see the benefit. We were going to fish a posh beat on the Tweed so I managed to get some Harrods carrier bags, you should have seen their faces.
 

Salad Dodger

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After a few drams too many, a drunken man staggers to the pub toilet.

After a couple of minutes, there is an almighty scream.

A couple of minutes later, another scream echoes through the bar.

The barman goes into the toilets and asks “what’s with all the screaming, you are scaring the customers”

The drunk replies “every time I flush the toilet, something crushes my balls”

The barmen opens the door “you fecking idiot, you’re sitting on the mop bucket !!!”
 

Slaneysider

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A Scottish bouncer walks into his local....
and the bartender says:

"We could of used you here last night,we had that Spanish actor from that Coen brothers film in, smashing the place up."

" Oh Javier Bardem?"

"No, We just kicked him out"
 

Hoolet

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A Scottish bouncer walks into his local....
and the bartender says:

"We could of used you here last night,we had that Spanish actor from that Coen brothers film in, smashing the place up."

" Oh Javier Bardem?"

"No, We just kicked him out"
Deary me, wait there...I'll get yer coat....
 
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